The maid of honor just puked.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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