well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
