just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
