man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
