first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
