worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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