There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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