You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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