some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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