Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
