i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
