Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
