Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
