so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
