Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
