Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
