i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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