Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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