those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
