i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
