Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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