I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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