Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
