Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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