my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
