What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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