Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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