My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
