I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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