I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i already hear my dad disowning me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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