I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
