when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
