At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
