So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
