The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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