kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
