You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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