I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
