If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
