ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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