i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
