so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
