you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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