Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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