Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
