I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize