I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
