You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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