im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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