Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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