You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
