WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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