i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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