That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
