My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
