smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
