Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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