some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ugly people sure do ruin things
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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