I'm so fucking centered right now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize