What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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