any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
