Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize