either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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