So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
