So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
