the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
