great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize