somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
