Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
