At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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