Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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