She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
