On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
