i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
