hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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