I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
