you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
