Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
