Just mADE A PArabola og urine
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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