I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
