she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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