I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
