There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
COCAINE IS GR8
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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