She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
