we have officially lost it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
