Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
