Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
