she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
