i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
