Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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