im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
