Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
