Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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