Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
