We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
