Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You are the jesus of drinking
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
