you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
