Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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