Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
