im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
