I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
